I’ve been racking my brain with this challenge for picking ONE word, just one, for my word of the year, the WHOLE year. I’ve heard lots of great ideas; forgiveness, focus,vulnerable. I was at my friend’s home over the new year’s holiday, and we were watching the Manchester United game, or maybe it was Man. City, and the father was explaining the game to my 5 year old. Goalkeeper came up.
Goalkeeper- player who protects goal. My word for 2012 is goalkeeper. I will be the player who protects my goals. I’m too often side tracked. I make to-do lists galore and then don’t look at them for weeks. Projects get side-lined when a free-lance job comes up. I let it all happen way to easily. This year I WILL protect my goals, and keep all those other balls I have to juggle from interfering with my BIG PICTURE. I have some solid goals (more on this later) I want to accomplish this year, and I will protect this fiercely. Yellow cards be damned! oh, and happy new year!
I caught a clip of this “voting off of Rachel Crow” on a morning show and was stunned. I actually rewound it and watched it again. It was such a raw emotional response to an unbelievably surreal situation. It stuck on my mind for several days. The thing about it is, rarely does anyone ever show this kind of raw emotion anymore. ESPECIALLY over being disappointed or let down. ESPECIALLY in PUBLIC!
I’ve spent several years getting to a place where I can actually talk to someone about a situation that hurts or disappoints me. I’ve definitely lost friends because I was unable or unwilling to articulate what I was feeling and just crawled into my own shell. I think we are conditioned to just nod and and say “oh okay” when things don’t go our way, and/or hide any feeling or disappointment, especially in public. It was refreshing to see someone let it all hang out and really express how deeply she felt about her situation. I don’t watch this show or have any opinion of Rachel Crow or x-factor in general, but I thought this moment was really amazing.
I’ve been trying to work yoga back into my daily routine. It helps me a lot physically and mentally. This morning I googled, “yoga for creativity”, just to see if there were some magical poses to help me through those “blocks” that happen in the studio, I found this HILARIOUS Creative Mornings Lecture by illustrator Christoph Niemann. If you haven’t heard of the Creative Mornings Lecture series, it’s worth checking out.
so 20 year high school reunion this weekend. I’ve gone through all the thoughts of “am I skinny enough, successful enough, pretty enough”, etc. I finally asked myself. “Enough” for who, exactly? I don’t really even talk to anyone I went to high school with anymore. Besides the fact that I spent the middle 2 years in a completely different school, and moved to San Diego as soon as I graduated. I was putting all this pressure on myself, and really, why? So I’ve taken a step back. It’s interesting to observe myself and really think about those old devilish thoughts that used to cloud my mind in high school. I came from an uneasy childhood, and confusing adolescence, and spent a lot of my early years just trying to figure out what I was “suppose” to be doing, since my parents weren’t great at indicating what exactly that was. And in that, formed some self perceptions, now long gone, but still, they left me feeling less than, and like I’d never be able to … I spent so much time looking at what other people were doing so I could figure out what I should be doing, that I forgot about me. I’ve come a long way, baby. And it’s when I stopped myself for a second and really thought about it all that I realize I’m pretty damn happy with who I have become.
And now, to a night of over priced dinners, and silly high school stories… and as Iggy Pop says… life is crazy.